i hate looking at this tumblr and knowing i only have 1200 followers here because i tried to kill myself

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and when i go on my main tumblr. my real tumblr, i guess, i only have 130.

it’s weird to think about how it was such a big deal for two seconds and then it wasn’t. how i affected so many peoples’ lives, but how it all seems to be forgotten at the same time. it’s weird knowing i was just one of those tumblr things that people talk about, like alex gaskarth’s creeper or how somebody dun goof’ed or whatever the fuck. i just wish it had meant more, not because it was me, but because it could have been anyone.

i don’t know, it just makes me sad i guess.

i miss all the friends i had on here before december thirtieth. i miss the friends i had after. at what point did it all cease to matter? not that i want the attention, i’m just saying, it’s a mindfuck to see how many people ‘cared’ versus how many people actually do.

who knows.

no one’ll read this, it’s cool. follow my new tumblr, even though you won’t. i’m not bitter and i’m not bitching. i’m just saying it’s weird to think about, and slightly sad. that’s all.

okay bye.